32 Things I Learned by 32
I recently celebrated my 32nd birthday, which was a long, whirlwind, hilarious, epic weekend spent with my best friends and loved ones. To celebrate here, though, I wanted to write a post in the style of Taylor Swift’s “30 Things I Learned Before Turning 30.” (Unexpected twist of 2019: I became a Swiftie.) Since I have two years on Taylor, this is longer. Here we go!
1. “You do not have to be good.” In college, my best friend Ashley sent me the famous Mary Oliver poem Wild Geese. I had never read it before, and upon its opening line, I started to cry. It still brings tears to my eyes, actually. Ashley knew this is what I needed at that moment in time. I needed something to give me permission to actually live and to break free of the rules and restrictions I’d constructed for myself. It’s a line I always return to.
2. Say yes to opportunity. During my first year living in Los Angeles, I switched jobs four times. But each opportunity led me to the next and I experienced sides of LA and the social media world I never would have had I let fear and “no” rule me. Say yes—see where it goes.
3. No one is going to look out for you—you have to look out for yourself. Yes, family and friends will always have your best interests in mind, but when it comes to the day to day, you have to look out for yourself. There will be people who will blur that vision and try to interfere, but stay sharp.
4. Food is not going to hurt you. It is my life’s mission to help other women deeply understand this, too.
5. What other people think of you is none of your business. This is something I’ve only recently started to understand. There is absolutely nothing you can do to control what people are going to think of you. It’s an enormous waste of time and energy to concern yourself with this. What someone else thinks of me or says of me is on them, not me.
6. Approach everything with a sense of humor. When I started working for E! I joined right in the midst of red carpet season. I was so highly strung that I could barely sleep and I hemmed and hawed over every little detail. What I found was a better approach, though, was getting myself laughing first thing in the morning so I could walk into the office in a good mood. If I could approach the day and whatever it threw at me with a sense of humor, it put myself at ease and made everything more enjoyable.
7. Just text him if you want to text him.
8. If he doesn’t ask you on another date, he’s really not interested. It’s not more complex than that. There is no underlying other reason. Move on.
9. “Your girlfriends are everything!” True story: during my Bachelorette party in Miami, Countess Luann came up to me and said she had spied us at the pool earlier in the day and loved our matching bikinis. She went on to say to me, “Your girlfriends are EVERYTHING!” And you know what? She’s right. Nourish those friendships.
10. You’re going to f*ck up. You’re going to send the wrong tweet from the wrong account. You’re going to mess up a relationship or two. You’re going to disappoint people. You’re going to get some things really, really wrong. You’re human. It’s OK. Keep going.
11. Clarity is one of the greatest gifts. Shitty situations are shitty, that’s for sure. But the greatest outcome of someone dumping you or unfriending you, or being in a job you know in your bones isn’t right for you is clarity. You have clarity. You know where people stand, and most importantly, you know where YOU stand on the issue.
12. There are good men in this world. My dad, my brother, and my husband are proof.
13. Mom usually does know best.
14. Get the subtle lip fillers you’ve wanted for years. Seriously, just go for it. You can always have it dissolved.
15. Don’t tell the colorist, “Take me as blonde as possible,” every time. Your hair WILL break off.
16. Always have something to look forward to. This can be as big as finally going to Paris for the first time ever, or as small as going to Target after work. Giving yourself a bright spot in your day-to-day makes life easier and more enjoyable.
17. Seeking pleasure is important to me. Enjoying what I eat, what I drink, who I’m with, what I’m listening to, what I’m reading, what I’m writing, what I’m wearing, what I smell like, etc. I am SUCH A SCORPIO in this way.
18. We are here on this planet to love.
19. Listen to your body. When you’re hungry, yes, but also when you’re hurting or tired. If you aren’t as amped as you usually would be for a workout, simply rest. Your body is trying to tell you something.
20. “Perfect” is not a real thing. There is no one way to be, think, act, look that is acceptable to everyone. Don’t get caught up thinking there is.
21. Believe women. Believe women. Believe women. I just want to get that out there as much as possible.
22. Your path is not going to look like anyone else’s. And that is the FUN in life. You cannot look to someone else’s life as a roadmap for your own.
23. Stop looking for answers outside yourself. You already know. You don’t need to Google for approval of the thing you want to try or do.
24. When a man is truly interested in you, he will make time for you, he will call you, he will prioritize YOU. God, I wish I knew that throughout the majority of my twenties, but I did not. I made a million excuses for a million dudes and it was not worth it. It was interesting, though. As Norah Ephron said, “Everything is copy.”
25. Everyone is the wrong guy until it’s the RIGHT guy. You’ll know. This is frustrating, not-so-helpful advice but it’s so true that when you know, you know.
26. Only drink the good stuff. Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand; Champagne from Champagne; rosé from France; Oregon Pinot Noirs; Casamigos. I really only have two drinks I like: wine and spicy margs.
27. Your favorite food will always be bread. And pasta. This is not so much a thing I’ve learned as simply something that’s proven to be true.
28. Love your family fiercely. And tell them often.
29. Always have a list of go-to karaoke songs in your Notes app. I tend to freeze when on the spot, but I LOVE karaoke so much. Once, in Boston, we sought out a karaoke bar and it took me over 30 minutes to choose a song, and the song ended up being a wreck. Because of this, I now keep a running list in my Notes app because you never know when the mood for karaoke will strike.
30. Tell your story. Don’t assume that people know who you are or what you have to offer. Tell people what you’re doing, what you believe in, what you want to do. It’s amazing how the world opens up once you do.
31. Compliment people often. I learned this from some of my best friends in LA. Whenever we’d get together, they’d greet everyone with a, “I love your outfit!” “You look so gorgeous!” “You smell amazing, what is that!?” I had never experienced a group of people so positive, warm, and giving of their compliments. It’s now something I’ve adopted as well. It’s not a forced thing, but if someone’s nails or hair or energy strikes me, I love to let them know. People don’t celebrate themselves or give themselves enough credit, but maybe if we just spread a little more love, people can start to.
32. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. UGH so Carrie Bradshaw of me, I know, but it’s the damn truth. You spend every day of your life with yourself. Get to know her. Nourish her. Love her. Celebrate her.