Best Feeling of the Week

I have to be honest with you. Even though there were plenty of good feelings in the last week, the overwhelming feeling was not so great. A big part of Best Feeling Forever is being able to recognize when you’re not feeling your best, acknowledge it, and find ways to move through it and eventually move forward.

For most of last week, I was weighing whether to fly home to Ohio for the holidays. Christmas with my family is extremely important to me. It has always been a time to celebrate, reconnect after time apart, enjoy our annual traditions, and really soak in that familial love. My fondest, richest memories of growing up are from our holidays together.

With COVID on the rise in both California and Ohio, I ultimately decided and felt that I could not, in good conscience, fly home for the holidays. I don’t feel comfortable with being in the airport, being on a plane, having a layover in Atlanta, quarantining separately from my parents in Ohio, finding rapid tests in Cincinnati, and so forth. The idea of contracting COVID and spreading it to anyone else is just unbearable. Even though I feel I’ve made the right decision for myself and my family, it has not made it easy.

What’s been adding to my not-so-great feeling is that early on in the pandemic, I thought, “Well if I hunker down now and take the right precautions, then by Christmas I’ll be able to see my family.” It was a thought, a hope, that got me through many dark times in the past year. I don’t feel silly for having that thought and I don’t think it was for nothing. I am grateful that the thought of being able to see my family brought me hope and comfort when I needed it, and it still does, even if I have to wait a little longer.

Ultimately, I feel like one of the lucky ones. I am beyond grateful my family has their health. At a time when millions of Americans are affected by this horrible disease and are grieving hundreds of thousands of losses, our health and the health of those we love cannot be taken for granted. I personally am extending my love and respect to those I don’t even know by staying home and foregoing my usual holiday.

So now, I am turning my focus onto what I can do at home. I’ve never spent the holidays without my family or in my own home. I now get to dream up traditions that I want to start on my own and explore how Zach and I will make this time special for us. The fact I get to do that is an extreme privilege.

There was no best feeling of last week, and sometimes, that’s OK. We’re all doing our best, and that is enough.

Sending everyone so much love.

xx
Kailey