Living the "And" Life

There is a tweet going around right now that goes along the lines of: “It’s OK to love what I do AND be burned out. It’s OK to be happy AND be stressed.” It’s gone viral because people relate to it, and it’s something people need to hear right now. As humans, we all have dichotomies and contradictions within us. We are not just one thing or the other. We are not entirely “good” or entirely “bad.” We can love and dislike things at the very same time.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how this applies to diet culture and how I no longer feel the pressures to follow any one way of eating.

I remember on Sundays (always Sundays) planning what style of eating I should try for the week. Would I be mostly vegan this week? Go gluten-free? Attempt a Whole 30 week? Maybe low carb would make me feel good this week? Then I would shop according to whomever’s diet seemed the most interesting, most convincing, most necessary on social media that week.

So I would make my list, buy everything I needed to make this other person’s food for the week, and by Wednesday, I’d feel completely unsatisfied with any food I prepared or bought. This left me hungry, not looking forward to meals, and constantly fixating on what I could eat next. I desperately wanted one of these diet labels to work for me so I wouldn’t have to think so much about this anymore. Or better yet, maybe I could even become an influencer based on a newfound diet that changed everything for me.

I followed this habit for several years, especially when I worked in offices and followed the corporate structure that shuns lunch breaks and forces you to meal prep. The thing that finally pushed me out of this routine once and for all, though, was moving into a house with a kitchen we couldn’t use. Ever since June of 2018, I’ve been unable to buy tons of groceries at once and prepare meals for myself. When it comes to my relationship with food, it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

We live so day-to-day that there is no time for pre-planning meals or thinking that far ahead about food, and for me, it’s done wonders for really honing in on my intuitive eating. We order a ton of DoorDash, make several Erewhon and Whole Foods trips a week (sometimes twice a day), eat a lot of premade snacks and sandwiches, and eat out at restaurants regularly. There are so many messages out there about how terrible restaurant food is for you and how many ingredients are hiding in it that you don’t know. While parts of that may be true, not being able to curate every ingredient in my food has allowed me to fully let go of any systems or rules. Also, the more I’ve eaten out, the more I’ve seen how this food hasn’t hurt me in any way. I’m not here for the fear-mongering surrounding dining out or fear-mongering surrounding any food, period.

For some, like former me, it feels easier to follow someone else’s plan than to simply listen to my body and intuition. It can be scarier to say to oneself: “I can eat absolutely anything I want” than it is to follow a set of rules and exclusions that worked for one person one time.

There is a tendency to label everything and put people, ideas, and diets in boxes so we can more easily understand and process them. When it comes to ways of eating, I urge you to try to live in the “and” space. Living the “and” life includes a little bit of everything; you don’t rule out anything. It can include whatever the hell you want it to include.

For weeks, I’ve really been craving a soft, puffy glazed donut, and this morning I decided I would finally go get one. But I also wanted a no-fruit green juice. Would I be the kind of person who starts her day with a donut and carry on that way throughout the day, or would I be the kind of person to have a green juice and have that kind of day? I say, be both. Have both. Have the donut and the green juice. Feed your cravings and soul with the sensory-satisfying donut and your cells with the micronutrients of the green juice.

I’ve left the all-or-nothing lifestyle behind because I want to experience everything. I want to have the vegan salad for lunch and a charcuterie board at night. I want to enjoy a gluten-free pizza and a beer on the side. I want to work out in the morning and go out with my friends and have cocktails on a Friday night.

It’s a lot like the first rule of improv, “yes, and.” It’s used to keep the scene going so your partner isn’t left hanging after you shut down one of their ideas by saying “no.” Stop shutting yourself down. Open up. Extend the scene. Expand your life. Say yes to yourself. “Yes, I want this, and I also want this.” Two seemingly opposed things can exist together at one meal, at one table, in your life. You can hate reality TV and have a soft spot for a Kardashian’s social media. You can not wear a ton of makeup and know what product Glossier is launching next. You can love yoga and nature and get Botox.

We are humans. We change constantly. Every month, we completely regenerate the outer layer of our skin. Every three months we completely rebuild and replace our blood supply. Every 10 years, adults completely rebuild and remodel every bone in our bodies. You do not have to like what you’ve always liked, eat what you’ve always eaten, follow the rules you’ve set up for yourself. You don’t have to fit into any one box or wear any one label. You are everything and more.

Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist and I am not speaking to those who must follow specific diets for medical reasons. I’m simply sharing what’s worked for me in letting go of food rules.